i really need to stay focus on the essentials, prioritise my emotions and work diligently on the positive department. it's been a while since i felt this way; i've nearly forgotten the struggles that comes alongside it, only free-of-charge. shifting from time to time, as human beings, we require uncomfortable reminders to draw the fine line between being happy and not. whilst it's a constant battle between the comforts of the heart and mind, perhaps, time will tell me for sure and i'll know it. oh, how emotions messes with your head!
after 2 good cries, a long warm shower and a heart-warming heart-to-heart with G, we've established the need for hanging in there and being full-fledged introverts. albeit conversations are healthy and good for the soul, i'm positive the grades would love to prove otherwise. for now, i just have to start believing in it because i need inspiration of sorts.
on the note on taking showers, i adore the knowing that when i secure the door, i shut the world out, inclusive of all that's with it and am truly alone. all i can hear and most certainly embrace is that deafening stream of silence with me being the only living being around. for that, i stand under the shower and allow the pressures of water to hit me. it doesn't take me long to realise i am alive. i am rooted to this love; i breathe and enjoy the moment. gradually, i feel myself easing up.
there's this paralysing fear just surging through my veins right now. i've just been sitting here for the past 3 hours or so, blankly staring at my lecture notes, trying so hard to absorb information of some sort, any sort. the thought of entering the examination hall at 8am on monday morning with absolutely nothing in my head scares me so damn much. before i know it, tears are streaming down my cheeks. i wish for no sympathy whatsoever, all i need to do is put to words how i'm feeling this instant because i know once i'm done with this space, i'll feel a load better.
as i was wallowing in my own puddle of self-pity, my peripheral vision saw a tiny card peeking from underneath my stack of papers. it read, "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. -Philippians 4:13". no doubt i could still collapse in the arms of someone if only they'd walk through my door, but i am feeling so much better already. thank you Karen! (:
from a tender age till date, crying has been my coping mechanism, what's yours?
- Mood:
pessimistic - Music:Boston - Augustana
as i was walking home this afternoon, i saw an old couple. the height difference evidently stood at a head and a half, shades of white and grey adorned their heads, them shriveled selves and wrinkled skin were wrapped in woolen jumpers as though the relentless winds of spring could possibly blow them away. appearances aside, the way they looked at each other was something one could not dismiss. their clear blue eyes sparkled with much love, as they held hands. gold wedding bands on each of their ring fingers. bands that braved the storms of the life they decided to built together. he lightly planted a kiss on her forehead and smiled. and then it caught my eye, shining majestically in the sun, lying ever so gently on her chest, was a gold necklace with a cross for a pendant. pity i did not have my camera with me, i would have taken a picture of them.
does he tell you that you're beautiful when you're crying? does he love you for who you are and not what you can be? does he say "bless you" when you sneeze? does he pause to say grace before a meal even though he's famished? is he able to not walk out on you when you're absolutely unreasonable? does he love all your pet peeves and quirks? does he love his family the way you do yours? would he be able to look at you 40 years from now and tell you that you still capture his heart? how much of him belongs to the materialism of the world? does he place God on the pedestal?
i was faced with all these questions, amongst many others, too many years ago during a conversation with my aunt. the fundamentals of a functional and working relationship between any two individuals. the unconditional love i see in my parents makes me question what is, and what could be. surely there is a higher power sustaining all these relationships.
i remember the very first time i listened to Collin Raye's 'Love, Me', i thought of all the couples who were hopelessly in love but could not be together because of a multitude of reasons. i cried like a baby. my mum hugged me and said, "dearie, you will find the one who will always be there for you and love you no matter what. he will love you even if you cry over the silliest of things. you know dear, love really isn't as drama as the songs play it out to be. besides, you know mummy will always love you." i cried even harder.
this text message i received from my mum before my 8am paper today. despite needing the extra sleep to help deal with the million things installed for her today, she still manages to wake up at 5ish to text me. it's no wonder they're called SuperMums.
mummy, i love you (:
- Mood:
exhausted - Music:Love, Me - Collin Raye
i ought to keep my mobile phone under lock and key for the next week or so, and give the key to someone whom i can trust won't cave when i unreasonably demand for the key as i use all 7 strategies to debate the opponent's resistance to persuasion. as well as download a malicious virus into my laptop to ensure it cannot be turned on. then throw the television remote control out of the window and the batteries into the dustbin. what an ingenious plan hey? only that the probability of all that happening's close to zilch. my rebellious streak has lasted longer than i've expected it to. reason being, one paper down and it's still screaming, "i do NOT want to take exams." but i will.
the upcoming paper i have is at wretched 8am. whoever said, "Early bird catches the bird" evidently told a blatant lie.
i had triple chocolate cookies this afternoon and everything was fine and dandy. but woe is me, i now feel the onset of flu. and may i add that it's not just any flu - gastric flu. my forehead's burning, stomach's hurting, and i constantly feel like throwing up. well, there's nothing a trip to the doctor cannot confirm. i just pray my ulcers are behaving.
- Mood:
sore - Music:Unashamed - Starfield
LOVE [luhv] noun, verb, loved, lov-ing.
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart
5. the object or thing so liked: The library was her great love
it could be the lovey dovey, melt-your-heart ones. it could also be the heart-wrenching break up ones. there is undoubtedly something about other people's love stories that sets me ablaze. as one of my many stress relieving mechanisms would so allow, i randomly blog stalked. as an avid reader of LeLove and a pathetic softie at heart, no way was i going to pass up basking in the emotions of it's latest entries. i experienced euphoria and melancholy all at the same time, a combination of feelings i didn't know i was capable of juggling simultaneously. the tenderness, fondness, warmth, passion, adoration to sadness, dejection and despondency that many strikingly different individuals shared - i had no qualms that love exists.
someone once asked me if i believed in true love, or simply settling with loving the one you were with. whilst the romantic in me screamed, "True Love!!" i thought of my many burning questions on finding that ONE perfect person. that one shared eye-gaze which sends fluttering butterflies, the one who'd make you laugh all the time or dry your tears when you cried, the one who you'd want to do the silliest of things with, the one you won't get sick of even if you spent every waking hour with and not mind rolling over to every morning, unglamness inclusive.. the one who you'd want to be a better person for. it's a never-ending list.
the past couple of weeks has seen me making a list of to-dos with my significant other, and making mental notes of the clothes i'll dress him up in when i'm out shopping. surprising him with what he least expects etc. interesting, it's as though i'm sure of someone and cannot wait to show him off to the whole world.
in The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis said, "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it up to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable... The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love, is Hell."
in my utmost honest opinion, missing someone is not obsessively thinking about them all the time but thinking to yourself, "how i wish they were here with me" when you're at someplace, or see something - basically when you are reminded of how much you want them to be with you that instant.
i could ramble incessantly, but well.. i really just felt like writing about LOVE, all the sweet nothings it comprised of and my currently non-existent boyfriend (:
on an entirely irrelevant note, i've been wanting a bracelet for the LONGEST TIME. and Mel just presented me with a Charm Bracelet!! (: she topped it off with a little card (which she wrote while seated behind me, "i'm writing a card for you, don't look!") that activated my sensitive tear ducts, not that i started bawling.
i'm still in search of THE bracelet. all i can think of are the ones in the little blue box.
(which i know i'll be eventually getting)
the very first blue box she received was from her dad. significant and etched in her mind because that was the day she found out her dad was a closet romantic, or not. so she happened to be home when the doorbell rang. she answered it. a FedEx (or was it DHL) delivery guy. in his left hand, a package for her dad, and in his right a clip board. she signed for the package and called her dad.
this was how the conversation went:
girl: hey dad there's a parcel for you.
dad: oh really? what is it?
girl: i'm not sure.
dad: open it.
girl: one moment please..
(strips the package of it's wrapping)
girl: *gasp* it's a Tiffany and Co. box.
dad: oh what's inside?
(carefully undoing the white ribbon and opening the lid of the box)
girl: dad, it's a crystal sorta... box slash container?
dad: it's for you.. now you can put your jewelery inside.
this is why i love my dad. he's pretty clueless.
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous;
love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly;
it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails... But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.
-1 Corinthians 13: 4-7, 13
well, i wish that you would call me right now
so that i could get through to you somehow
but i guess it's safe to say, baby, safe to say
that i'm officially missing you
- Mood:
happy - Music:Officially missing you - Tamia
SHE (pardon the lapse into 3rd person narrative)...
sat under a blooming tree, only to fall asleep under it for a good hour and a half.
indulged in baking a chocolate cake that had one of her many loves in it - Nutella.
and had it polished off with Vanilla Ice Cream! it was GOOD (:
dressed Tanvi up as a Policewoman, then herself as a sort-of-Devil..
..and went for HALLOWEEN.
was told she was the first EVER to convince Anders to go for a party after he says he would not..
..so he went as HIM. "dressed" as an Australian!
got reminded that she was a St Nicholas' Girl and that they always had fun together..
went to The Finders Keepers flea market with her bestfriend and insane housemate.
and had heaps of fun while finding many pretty hand made things of sorts (:
was told she was really cute whenever she behaved like a kid.. /:
devised and practiced an Escape Plan in case she was EVER handcuffed..
made Avocado, Salsa, Mushroom and Basil cashew parmesan on toasted Turkish Bread with Mel at 3am (:
THE PERFECT SUPPER.
she also vowed to have one of these supper escapades with her boyfriend when she got one. HAHA.
had an interesting and fun-filled weekend before the examination block starts! her first paper is this coming Saturday.
OH SHIT.
- Mood: pleased
- Music:New Soul - Yael Naim
a disclaimer before i begin the reminiscing, i just want you to know that this might be an awfully lesbian-ish entry. albeit it's nothing that we are not familiar with, i apologize in advance for the possible arousal of goosebumps.
it is the small things you do or do not that i love.
- how you can be completely clueless when i suggested going as Zooey Deschanel or Katie Holmes for the paparazzi dinner and dance, convincing me you might be cleverly disguised as a girl all these years.
- getting your dad to visit me when i was possibly at the lowest point in my life this semester just because you were unable to be physically with me although we were communicating via our mobile phones the entire time.
- i vividly remember when you surprised me after math tuition, although my mum could hardly contain her excitement and i was observant enough to see past all your attempts to conceal the surprise. my pride is in knowing the first cake you ever baked belonged to me, i do not care if you got help in the process of the baking. i would have eaten it even if it was burnt.
- i wish i could grow another 4 wisdom teeth so i'd have to undergo another operation allowing you to boil barley and deliver it to my house again. i do not mind spitting mouthfuls of blood.
- your innate ability to polish off at least 2 dozen chicken wings.
- your shopping for our bands! (i'm still unable to find nice ones. i'm contemplating making them.)
- Westlife: our very first concert. we had complimentary VIP tickets.
- i will apply for a job at the same hotel so you could wait for me to knock off work to go for dinner at The Soup Restaurant only to end up at Crystal Jade and share fried rice and sichuan hot & spicy soup.
- you singing Jimmy Eat World's The Middle, assuring me that everything was going to be okay.
- your obsession with Dao Ming Si and absolute refusal to date anyone unless it was him (btw, i watched the 'Jue Bu Neng Shi Qu Ni' mtv on Youtube that day, and omg he is damn ugly. i feel like we wasted our youth!).
- our long and inconspicuous talks about Voldemort and Snape. i still think you can do better!
- the fact that ghost stories scare us shitless ever since we were of tender age and how we'd end up sleeping tgt on the same bed, sharing a blanket.
- your rendition of 'Seasons in the Sun' that made me cry slightly more than 2 years ago at the airport. incidentally, the day my dad found out you had some sorta "power" over me.
- our ability to sit side by side and not talk but still feel at utmost ease and comfort.
- it is you that this blog exists and everytime i log in, i am reminded of you because you chose the name.
(considering this is a never-ending list, i will stop here.)
on the 15th of October, you wrote:
What did I do wrong, at least give me a reason will you-s?
I tried, but I guess all my trying was not enough.
Maybe if someone walks away, it's best not to chase after them.
Because if they really intend too, the end result wouldn't change anw.
Perhaps our idea of friendship will never reconcile.
3 days later, i replied:
while we're both at it, you might as well know that you're stuck with me for LIFE. we're Twicebanded. maybe i shld change it to Thricebanded in due time, but like it or not, you're still stuck with me.
weheartit
although these 3 words have been used one too many times, i miss you. allow me to be selfish and have you all to myself when you visit me over a weekend. awkwardness aside, i reckon we owe each other that much.
you are a significant part of me. i am not walking away. not now, not ever.
p.s. tell me how dressing up as Lady Gaga went.
love,
Twicebanded
- Mood:
nostalgic - Music:Somebody to love - Glee Soundtrack
the winds howled like they never did before. watching yesterday's deluge from my room's window made me feel somewhat calm - "magnificent", i thought to myself. the relentless of the identical drops of rain falling, sounding almost precisely like a platoon of marching on and on unconsciously purged my every slightly stressed related thought. like those abhorrent feelings of not being able to hit my books or the remote impressions and judgment calls people have and make on others. trepidation now takes over me as the once intrepid amanda sinks down to the bottom of the pits. for just that twenty minutes or so, it seemed good for now.
the concept of being given a brand new day is simply remarkable. we wake up in the morning and leave yesterday behind. symbolically, yet pragmatically, we have to brush our teeth again. no matter how many times we have brushed them before, we need to brush once more. the past brushings are not valid for today.
i guess today just marks a fresh start. a new beginning. a clean break. yesterday ended last night and today is brand new. nothing stale or leftover.
today i reminded myself once more:
live every second with all you've got. because you never know when it would end. do not tiptoe through life only to arrive at death's door. and if you are going through a bad time in your life, just remember, even that will pass sooner of later.
on a happier note. my banana and chocolate ice cream froze successfully! considering mel and tanvi liked it, i'd say it went pretty well (:
p.s. i am still in search of the Anonymous who commented on my previous entry. the wanting to know is simply unnerving.
- Mood:
indifferent - Music:Fix you - Coldplay
snippets of the things i've made this year include..
Apple Crumble Ice Cream.
the making of ice cream, caramelising apples, baking the prefect crust for the base.
Honey Soy Chicken Wings
it was defrosting the chicken wings using our HEATERS two nights before the Housewarming that pissed Phoebe and i off so badly. the image of Phoebe standing beside me defrosting the chicken and my frostbitten hands, classic.
Chicken and Avocado Sushi
the one where Phoebe commented that the non-japanese cooked more japanese food than the japanese at home. also the one where the First ever sushi i rolled was about 2000 times thicker than a chopstick. Phoebe took the second photo as a comparison.
Teriyaki Beef Udon
this photo really doesn't do the Udon justice.
Triple Choc Brownies
i trialed and errored so many times before coming up with the perfect recipe (:
Choc Chip Cookies
Steak with Mushroom Cream Sauce, Spinach and Mash Potatoes
dinner i cooked for David as an attempt to live up to his standards. and according to him, it was REALLY GOOD (: oh btw, in case you haven't alr guessed it, the secret ingredient was MOSCATO haha.
Peppered and Herbed Chicken
eventually served with Home-made Mushroom sauce (: and also because we're such Meat eating people. Phoebe CANNOT SURVIVE if she does not eat meat. you CARNIVORE.
Mashed Potatoes
the Gourmet kind. with herbs and sweet potatoes to enhance the taste. and BUTTER, oooh butter (:
Strawberry Cheesecake
it was SO GOOD (:
Omelette with Grilled Tomatoes
wholesome breakfast and made in a smiley too (:
Beef Lasagna
Satay Sauce
the wonders of Peanut Butter! cooked with tofu for Tanvi because she's vegetarian.
HOWEVER...
in the year 2009, the thing that i am MOST PROUD of - i learned how to cook RICE!! Phoebe wrote instructions on pink post-it notes and stuck them on the refrigerator! although i no longer need instructions to cook rice, her words still resound in my head every time i take a glance at the fridge, "aiyo, can cook so many things but don't know how to cook rice. so useless." HAHA.
KITCHEN (:
the place where ALL the creations and mess take place. i LOVE my kitchen.
WELL i initially thought the reason for blogging this entry was because i loved food and wanted to blog about food. but as i was looking for photos and browsing thru' my million albums, i realised that the ultimate reason for this post is because i really miss the individuals who once walked the floors of Holland St. it's been a LONG six months. and i don't cook as much anymore.
Phoebe Ng, i am waiting and counting down the days till you to shift back into Holland St so i can cook for you and so you do not have to eat anymore gross Grace food. i miss you A LOT, so much so i will TRY making you eat SALAD for your own good even if it means you murdering me. the word is TRY.
p.s. Banana and Chocolate Ice Cream currently sits in the freezer waiting to freeze. i hope it turns out well (:
(well even if it doesn't, there's always the alternative of making milk shake!)
on a totally non-food related note, i went grocery shopping today (okay, still in some way food related but that's besides the point). while waiting to check out in the Express Line, this guy came up behind me with his basket and too waited his turn. he was like a Smoking Cigarette, only in corporate wear and not on fire. he must have easily smoked a dozen packs before entering Woolworths to reek the way he did. i was next in line. before the next available cashier voiced, "Next Please!" i left the line and walked away to, well, breathe. i wasn't going to risk collapsing in line.
- Mood:
energetic - Music:Straight Lines - Silverchair
disclaimer: nothing has been edited, all details straight out of a text message, msn message, or phone call.
- my BABY sistershe made my mum call me so she cld talk to me. she asked, "hey jie, when are you flying back? i want to take you to the zoo. but you have to buy chocolate for me okay?"
she's my minion. i love her SO MUCH.
- my 2 brothersone is constantly sweet and encouraging. the other constantly tries to test my patience.
Amos told me that day, "i know i piss the shit out of you, but that's only because we're really similar in terms of character. you do know that i'll always be here if you need me, right? okay enough emotions for now, i cannot believe i just told you that." HAHAHA.
Aris over a text message. "Love you jie. Will be praying for you =) it's gonna be all right. I'm always a call away!"
do i really need to explain why?
- the PARENTS.they are just so supportive.
this morning, i told my dad i really loved photography but didn't take it up because he wanted me to get a proper degree first. he said, "let's get you a professional camera."
when i told my mum i cried because i didn't manage to donate blood and i was disappointed as i was looking forward to it the whole of last week, this is what she replied, "Apa ini? u can donate any other time. I donated twice, and never had the urge to go again. haha, poor blood donation centre. don't worry lah." she dubs into dialects and singlish to cheer me up all the time because she knows i find it funny when she doesn't speak Queen's english.
- the Grandmothershe has so much love within her and she called to tell me she's counting down the days till she gets to hug me again! [translated into English because i don't type in Hokkien]. i miss her so so much.
- Germaine Low"Hey I forgot to tell you. I got full marks on my tax law case analysis which constitutes 15% of my total grade :):):) most of the other students scored a credit on the assignment and it was marked v harshly so i'm v pleased now :)"
well, i am REALLY PROUD and HAPPY for you (:
- Melissa Hengcrashing each others' lectures have been awfully fun. we should do it more often next semester! on a lighter note, congratulations! you've finished ONE year of university. Sg beckons. welcome to Sophomore Year (:
- Victoria Limbecause you got a job! i know it's only been a while and you're really tired every night now, but i'm still really happy for you! and i think of you every time there is LIVE music playing at the Pizza Cafe (:
- Tanvi Kotharymy INSANE housemate; your high-energy and laughing NON-STOP. for surprising me w little things to take the edge off because i've been so stressed out w my assignments. i know more often than not, i scare you when i use, "For What?" because it means i'm edgy, but you continue trying irregardless, so thank you. and for cooking dinner for me when you saw i was not eating because i was too busy too (:
- Phoebe Ngalthough you shifted out this semester, you still try to keep in contact and meet up! you listen and give me honest constructive advice, and you called to ask for a dinner date although Physiotherapy drains your time and energy. thank you dearest, really (:
- Mai Otamy silent housemate; your constant encouraging has been motivating me to do my assignments!
"Hey amanda, do you want chocolate now?" (:
- Debbie Tang"when you're tired of trying you take a break, and then try again! =)" somehow you're ALWAYS there when i'm emo-ing. HAHA. thank you babe!
- Darryl Angusbecause you called me out of the blue just to make sure i was okay. "when you're tired of trying. give me a ring! i will come and push you! i will come and drag you to the finish line! and when you get tired of being pushed and dragged! i will sit beside you and lend you my small and comfy shoulder! jiayou my dear friend!" thank you for telling me i'm one of those you can trust your life w. your friendship, care and concern for me has earned my trust (:
- Christopher Ooi"aiyo dun cry laa if u lonely i come and teman u, u alrite?" and because you try to make me happy by constantly pretending you know smth when you in reality don't and disturbing me about someone calling me, "Mandy!" thank you for being so caring and showing concern when you think i need it. i know you said we were supposed to go shopping, SOON okay.
- David Ow"jia you on ur work!!" you said. don't GAME so much as addictive as it might be [8 hours straight is no joke. did you know someone died because they gamed too much?] plus you need to EAT MORE because you're alr a pile of bones. stop making the girls arnd you jealous w your feminine legs ok. i know you miss my undeniable presence, i'll be back in 30 days to irritate you.
- Warren Kristianyour game face, how you imitate the Dota Commentary Revival asian dude's "it Dong Matter", and the times you pout your lips and look silly so as to make me smile. you are a Human Black Hole and that will never cease to amaze me.
AND there were THINGS that put a smile on a face too!
the surprises from Tanvi i get on my desk!
the cakes YQ surprised me w outside my house!
Black & White Photographs!
Jacarandas blooming in October.
Countdown till Singapore.
all these amongst so many OTHER things.
7 assignments, in 2 weeks. it has been a trying 14 days. but i've just submitted my last assignment today and it's FINALLY OVER! (:
thank you ALL of you who were there to encourage me.
i have been reliving every euphoric moment while typing this entry (:
i know i'm going to have a blast this weekend, are you?
here's wishing all of you reading a GREAT weekend! (:
- Mood: happy
- Music:I'm gonna be (500 miles) - The Proclaimers
i can sometimes see her:
this foreign, future Me
with all of her experiences
lined up in rows
she is the same, but different
she now wears glasses
and has long hair
she sits at a desk in a room i've never seen
she knows things i don't yet know
it's like looking at a photograph
of myself as a child
she is me, but she is someone else
she wears pretty clothes
and has long hair
she sits on a bed in a room i can't recall
she knows things i no longer know
she is the same, but different.
she, is ME.
and she is happy.
weheartit
as most of you wld know, this person is Haemophobic.
and seeing blood might possibly lead to a vasovagal episode.
BUT she has this 'Try as many new things while you're 21' rule.
therefore, she is donating blood tmr.
"i will not allow myself to pass out."
- Mood: happy
when you are unable to sleep at night and you're just tossing and turning in bed, think of the times you went through. the good, the bad. think of how you could have made things turn out differently. think of how one sentence you muttered could have changed the direction of a conversation, think of how you have hurt someone and vice versa. think of how the events of a day could have made a world of difference. you'd soon realise how tiring just living is. and you'd soon fall asleep.
i really do.weheartit
- Mood:
confused - Music:When the stars go blue - Bethany Joy Lenz & Tyler Hilton
today you texted, "Hey don't ever leave me okay?" and when i asked why, you told me that i seemed tired out. well, personally i feel that one of the most devastating things in life is when someone gives up on you. therefore, this is a public declaration that i love you too much to let go, and hence i won't. we've been each others' pillar of strength and support for the past 13 years. and no way in hell will WE stop at 13. don't worry woman, everything is going to be amazing.
it is when the things people say they'd do, do not match up to the things they eventually end up doing that really disappoints me. the words 'taken granted' is now being used so loosely, i reckon it ought to be redefined. why make promises you are unable to keep?
HOWEVER, at any one point in my life, there has always been a Someone who manages a smile on my face. and for that, i am blessed and have no right to complain how much of a bitch life is being. as for today, thank you. you made me laugh, you made me smile. you, the one wearing the Red Beret and the goggles.
first 2 images from weheartit
- Mood:
optimistic - Music:Kiss the rain - Yiruma
everytime i listen to you play, that adrenaline rush, that sense of euphoria that runs through my veins. like a drug, it leaves me wanting more.
it is as though i'm a little girl who just got her lolly (:
- Mood: impressed
- Music:River flows in you - Yiruma
Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote:
There is no privacy that cannot be penetrated. No secret can be kept in a civilized world. Society is a masked ball, where everyone hides his real character, then reveals it by hiding.
with regard to Gossiping, "i bet he/she..." people nowadays utter those words with such confidence, such conviction. but are they really that sure? isn't there a splinter of doubt that they could actually be wrong? big mouth sink ships. and who am i to disagree? mainly because, no, simply because, you will never know how those words would sound in the ears of the listener.
for those who're still smiling, wipe that smirk off your faces for you know it's damn true. for the most part, the majority of us are hiding who and what we really are underneath our hideous facades. it might not be all bad, it's just a self defense mechanism. human instincts.
What a frightening thing is the human, a mass of gauges and dials and registers. And we can only read a few. And those perhaps not accurately.
- John Steinbeck.
weheartit
there's always something lurking behind that gorgeous face.
and who are you to disagree?
- Mood:
mellow - Music:Never had a dream come true - S Club 7
with a book on my lap and pen in my hand, some days, i just want to sit on a ferris wheel and watch life pass me by.
these days, my sentences do not seem to flow; and my thoughts are constantly incoherent.
i've been doing so much thinking. what happens when you've ran out of hot water?
images from weheartit
- Mood:
contemplative - Music:I don't want to be - Gavin DeGraw
i really need to think and not feel now, so pain of all kinds, please go away.
the people who make me smile despite of:
ONE. 13 years and still going on strong. Germ said, "Hi. I hope ur night gets better <3"
TWO. i've known him for such a short period of time, but he's so precious to me.
ADEN ツ says:
you're not a machine, my dear.
yeahh, go get it done quickly, but don't over exert yourself okay?
and pleaseeee, do not cry.
if you're feeling stressed up and stuff
i'll be here to lend a listening ear
(:
that's what cousins are for. (:
THREE. you constantly take the edge away.
king says:
yeah i understand ure stressed
but hey.. its a camp in the lord's name right??
i'm sure the big guy up there will work everything out for you! :)
cheer up ok??
put on a smile for me?
so yes, i feel a whole lot better now (:
- Mood:
grumpy
i got a call at 00:26. this is how the conversation went.
A: hellooo.....?
YQ: eh i'm outside.
A: huh? okay.
YQ: you come out now.
[1 hour earlier.. when a very reluctant amanda picked up the phone.]
YQ: i'm going to Macs, do you want anything?
A: huh.. no thank you..
YQ: orh, okay.
[back to current moment - YQ opens the car door]
YQ: i bought for you. (with this huge smile on his face. one of sense of satisfaction.)
A: ehhhhh? (i was in-between my sleep wake cycle so yes, it was really hard to grasp the fact that he bought me supper!)
YQ: you were sleeping right? (still smiling!)
A: umm, yeah. hur. (responded sheepishly.)
YQ: i think tonight we don't need to sleep alr. must study. you must eat ok?
A: aww, thank you (:
YQ: okay, go and eat. don't sleep alr!
i close the car door and he drives off. there i am, holding a small coke, and a McDonald's doggy bag.
i took a sip and felt all the cold make it's way down.
TA-DAA!!
THANK YOU Mr. CHOO YONG QUAN! (:
*10 piece nuggets, fries, coke and sweet chilli sauce. i thought of you, because that's what you almost always get for supper.
- Mood:
groggy
i just read that mail i sent you yesterday morning once more, and the more i read it, the more i want to retract that mail. it was such an honest piece of writing that i'm secretly amazed at myself for ever hitting the 'Send' icon. part of me's so glad it's finally all out of my system, the other part's hyperventilating! so while i humbly await your reply, i'm just standing at the edge of a cliff - blindfolded. it can only go two ways, 1) it's so negative i see no option but to jump off, and 2) you pull me back and tell me that it's all okay and that you've got me. and shit i suddenly see the reality of your reply. i should probably just stop thinking for now. oh how i really dread uncertainty. a leap of Faith much?
on a lighter (and entirely different) note:
i hope (despite the 4 : 10000 ratio) our Ducks win the Great Brisbane Duck Race! (: whilst Crystal would be in GC, and Jackie back in Sg watching furious cars zoom by, Tanvi and i will TRY to go cheer our little waddling friends on! people, vote 8424 8425 8426 and 8427! these competitive beauties will be fighting for victory at 2.40pm on the 26th September 2009 (Saturday) on the Brisbane River, in front of the Wheel of Brisbane.
and Crystal, i certainly hope the nice old grandma allows us to keep the ducks! (:
- Music:Wish You Were Here - Incubus
2) i love you as a friend but at times you can get a tad overbearing. i understand you need reassurance but i need my personal space. sometimes when you get a bit too close, i start feeling claustrophobic. today, i felt scared just being in the same enclosed space as you. it's not that i do not want to reciprocate certain things, it's just not feasible to do so. how did our friendship come to this?
3) personally, i think tonight you took my level of trust to the next level. strangely unfathomable how i'm trusting someone so much in the longest time. but after all that was said in our 5 hour long conversation, i believe i trust you more now, well, kinda. and you make me happy, no shit.
weheartit
if only i could curl up into a ball and hide under my covers, disregard the worlds' toxic comments and cry like a baby OR fleet the country's unnecessary madness for a few days with nothing but my essentials - tonight would be the night. it would be right now.
tonight has been an emotional roller coaster ride. goodnight world.
- Mood:
disappointed
a sneak preview of the things yours truly have been eating!
Mud cake from TCC (:
Bishan's Kway Chap!
you won, 5 bowls to my 1 bowl.
Queensway's Hainanese Chicken Rice.
2am: Dessert Bar.
Chocolate Malt & Sticky Chewy Chocolate.
Katong Laksa!
Ramen.
Awesome Traditional Asian Desserts (:
Salmon Sashimi.
Cha Soba.
Bak Chor Mee (this, i ate on Mel's behalf! EXTRA chilli too!)
Breakfast from Good Wood Park Hotel.
and awesome Pastries.
food's always good. i didn't manage Prata though ):
right now, i'm just hungry.
are you hungry too?
- Mood:
hungry
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